Dirty Scribbling

Dear Diary,


I saw him last night. I saw the boogyman. He crept into my room and told me not to be afraid. He said he wouldn’t hurt me. I didn’t scream. I didn’t cry. He said he’d be careful. I heard him open a wrapper but I didn’t see anything. I felt his hand on my side. It was cold. But it felt nice. He slid his hand down my body taking off my panties. He was starting to make me nervous. He pulled my shirt up over my breasts. He leaned down to one and put his mouth on it. I cried out then. But it wasn’t a bad cry. He said it was ok to do that, that it meant I liked it. It felt too good to talk. I didn’t know if I was supposed to like it. But I did. He sucked hard on the other one. It made a sharp feeling go through my stomach and tighten my insides. He touched me there. The place my panties usually covered. I wanted him to. It felt like I would die if he didn’t touch me there. He used his hand to rub circles over the sensitive area. His other hand pinched my nipple, the one his mouth wasn’t biting. I felt something go inside me. I pushed back on it wanting it to go in deeper. His mouth and hand let go of my nipples. I whimpered. His lips pushed against mine. He made my mouth open and pushed his tongue inside. I touched it with mine. It was wet and slippery and hot. I was making noises. He said he liked them. I felt his tongue slid down my stomach. It was cold where it was wet. He sucked on my sensitive area near where he was pushing inside me. My back arched off the bed. Lightning bolts went through my body and down to my toes. He kept sucking on it. He put more inside me. It felt bigger. I couldn’t stop moving my body on it. My body caught on fire. Not real fire he said, but it felt like it. It tingled all over, but in a good way. He said I was so wet. But I couldn’t be wet. I was on fire. He pushed my legs apart. He took the thickness out of me. The fire stopped. He climbed on top of my body and put his fingers in my mouth. He told me to suck on them. I did. They tasted sweet and salty. They were very wet. He put something big near my entrance. He pushed in a little. It felt good when he pulled back out. I wanted him to do it again. He did. He said it would hurt a little. But he said not to be afraid. He said to hold on to him and cry if I had to. He said he was sorry. Something pushed inside me. Something heavy and hard, but warm and painful. I bit him. I tried not to scream so I bit him. He said he wasn’t mad. He said he liked it. His body started moving on top of me. The pain inside my stomach stopped hurting and started to feel good. It was like the fire. He stuck his tongue in my mouth again. I sucked on it. He said he liked that too. The fire was burning me up. I couldn’t stop making noises. It felt like the fire overflowed and was all over me again. I could feel it in my toes. He said he felt it too and that he put it there. He asked me if I wanted to feel it again. I did. He rolled me over so I was on top of him. He told me to move my body till it felt good. I told him I was scared to. He sat up. I thought he was mad. He said he wasn’t. He grabbed my sides and pulled me off him. The lightning struck through my stomach again and I screamed. He told me to move like that. I kept doing it over and over. His mouth was on my nipple again. I felt his hand go down the crack of my butt. He said to relax. I felt his finger push in my butt. More lightning went through me. It hurt a little. He wiggled his finger a little. It made me want to slam down harder on him. So I did. The fire took over me again. I bit him. He screamed and wiggled his finger harder. The fire took my breath away. I squeezed him tight until it stopped. He pulled his finger out of me. He rolled me over and got off of me. He kissed me and told me I was a good girl. He asked me if I wanted him to come back the next night. I told him I did. He left. I lay around in my bed all night. My belly was still tight. I wanted the fire again. I wondered if my hand could rub the way his did. I tried it. But it didn’t work. I went to sleep so I could see him tomorrow. He said he’d be back. He said it was a secret. He said if anyone in the monastery knew that they would be mad. I told him I wouldn’t tell. He’s here—Shhh…